see i told u im screwed up!

im back to normal just after another h2h with az and its all good again im just insane so no worries

its been ages since i actually sat down to properly pour out the normal confused chewed up shit that i keep mulling about and seriously i still think i'm insane doing it right now....ok well not insane just plain stupid...I mean how this ever going to solve anything or does anything really need solving at all! are things actually messed up or is it all just in my head....i never know with myself honestly...is it just the bubble that i create around me that bursts, is everything ok and im just trying to screw things up or what in the name of god is actually happening!!! well whatever it is im doing with my head is leaving me fucking miserable! you know what just screw this i don't wanna write anymore or maybe i do... (in case ur reading this i would sincerely suggest closing the window coz u wont get anything worthwhile here - only what i promised earlier good ol verbal diarrhea ok now how is fucking diarrhea spelt ok i guess i spelt it correctly...so where was i yeah i was right there cribbing man i'm so sick n tired of moping around and the bloody mood swings have become so regular that i actually pity az for putting up with me but seriously everything just seems like a fucking shithole these days...nothing NOT ONE SINGLE THING and trust me i'm not exaggerating NOT ONE SINGLE THING has gone right or is going right or seems to that will go right! it's just bad luck u say.....bad freaking luck for a year what do u have to say bout that! and even if it is bad luck well honey i'm fucking tired of having to deal with this mother of all bad luck loads that has come my way....yeah yeah not the there are a million ppl who are worse off than u lecture right now please...heard that screwed that.....i dunno why i'm even doing this...writing that is.... urrrrrrgh u know what screw it it's all going to be ok (yeah hell it will!) no it really will but one thing's for sure it aint going to be the way it was supposed to be in my head.....the most important things are the ones which aren't going the way i wished they would and the trivial ones are......i know sweets life aint a bed of roses never has never will be im ready for the uphill journey but atleast i dont want a flat tire to begin with! hahaha me n my analogies! or it can also be the stupid diet im on coz that leaves me miserable too i need help i need sleep i need to get away SOON! i need my life the way i want it to be!!!!!!!! i want my future the way i want it to be! i want things to be ok and i dont want to have someone simply tell me that its going to be ok - words are bullshit thats i guess what i should label this post as too coz it seems to pass all the criteria of being classified as top quality bullshit :)
btw if u've made it so far i hereby bestow you with the medal of top bullshit reader! lol that's not even funny...crap!

bullshit

can't believe I write such utter bullshit!