All I want is a desk

No palm trees, no beaches, no setting sun, all i really want is a big burly desk so that I can hide under it....It's a bit too chaotic these days juggling classes all day long (literally from 9 in the morn (that means gettin out at 7:30 for the bus) to 9 in the night) and the whole population of karachi deciding to get married, to not finding time to sleep or even wash my face in peace. There's a concert going on in my head, my back groaning to the beat, n my legs threatening to give way anytime soon...

I WANT THAT DESK! only for a lil while...i promise...i know myself too well, i wont be able to stay away for long i love this too much . I guess thats the reason why i want a desk and not to escape to a remote island, for a desk is more connected to the world, i can still just pop my head out n see whats going on around me, and still be able to be away from everything, i could lie down, sleep, maybe read a book.....sigh.....

.

I feel like I'm being watched....
yeah its you, don't turn away now!
just waiting for me to fall
to take that one wrong step
just so you could say - 'i told u so'
just so I could feel worthless again

Why are justifications always in need
why is it that one is never enough
why is it that when i want something
i most always have to plead
why isn't ever- 'it makes me smile'
a reason worthy enough?

At times I feel I dig my own grave
but atleast let me lie in it in peace.

way to go aunty!

I'm at a friend's mayun and there's this aunty who is sitting next to me and we are complaining to eachother about the DJ who is doing a crappy job with the music, in the middle of our cribbing session she says to me -

" they should have downloaded songs from the computer in a cd!"

Why WHY why!!! do aunties and uncles who don't know the mouse from the keyboard need to use jargons to appear as techies! *wonders*

on the other hand.....two thumbs up aunty for atleast trying :)

Peace of mind...really?

Our Industrial Marketing teacher asked us today - "why does man want the peace of mind?" and it actually got me thinking and obviously i zoned out....now why does man want the peace of mind really? we work all our lives for what? we study harder, push our selves to the limit, work more than 12 hours a day why? so that we could live a better life, where we could go to sleep at night without a worry, my friend even talked about complacency and how he really wants to be complacent, run away to an island, e with himself, do the things he wants to without really knowing how to, all for his peace of mind right....but does that peace of mind last? are we happy to stay put for the rest of our lives....no, coz then we'll just go out of our minds, we'll want some change, some activity, something! so here's the crux -

man wants peace of mind, works hard for it, get its, likes it for a bit, hates it then, goes back to searching other things, wants peace of mind, works hard..........and the cycle continues

The sound of the train going by......

I was at my relative's house today which is next to a church and rail tracks. Our conversation was interuppted by the sound of the train going by, which was so tragically romantic, forcing one to be introspective that I completely lost track of what we were talking about.

Twice the train roared by while I was there, and twice I stole the moments to be with myself....

every click I feel a little more inept, a little smaller, a little more inspired...

When i see the works of the famed I look on with awe, yet never doubting myself. When I look at the work of a creative genius who is an ordinary person like me, I feel worthless, and am put right where I belong....on the ground. Flickr is a great place to explore if you are ever feeling more bloated than usual, it successfully can make you look at your work and say "and i actually thought i had something there". It leaves you inspired to the brim and somehow in its own unique way it urges you to do better, just so you could also stand in the same ranks as the others.

With every click I discover more artists, more creative geniuses, who albeit with far better cameras than mine, still go about making art and stoping my heart beat for that split second.
Reduktiv, Myra Iqbal, Sahrizvi, Ali K, Harold Davis, Ahmed Zahid and so many more thank you for bringing me crashing back to reality through your pictures.

Each day is a bad hair day

Come winter and my hair decide to rebel against my wishes, they just like to stand at weird angles, are attracted to the static in the air, love to cling onto the other people, esp when i move away from them, they're still magnetically connected to them, making me look like the witch from oz! Naturally straight, when others with wavy and curly hair are rejoicing that they no longer need to use a straightener, here I am with my hair going flat
"how straight can we possibly be!" they scream back at me!
"what am I supposed to do with u?!!" I retort
"nothing and we like it this way!" they throw it right back
"I know I'll put u up in a tight ponytail, that'll serve u right!...but then my ears will stick out! urrrrrrrgh"
"Hahaha u may win the battle but we win the war!" they smugly reply.

I surrender and go about displaying my elephant ears to the world....

Nabeel - This one's esp for u

you know how there are times when u just want to say thanks, well this is that time for me. I know it may come across as being stupid, irrational and a downright typical feminine behaviour but who the hell cares right! Dude thanks a truck load for finally writing long comments, ur actually quite good with words :P lol no seriously, I actually look forward to switching on my computer (yes the same one which invites all the world's worms n viruses for a great party in my hardrive!) coz of the comments ( ok now I'm appearing way too lame, but since I've already established the fact that I am stupid, demented and a lil woo woo in the head, lets just add lame to the list too then ;) ) anyho for the past coupla days have been so busy (i've already told u the reason) that I couldn't even give a decent reply to ur comments that i actually feel slightly guilty, first actually telling you to be a bit more elaborate in writing and then when u actually do so, i go ahead and disappear on you (that's my equivilent for short comments).

Love your blog, its like a cornucopia of "things to know", with little personal surprises here and there. Sometimes it can be your cats or sometimes a pic from one of ur trips, to a holiday cheer!. It actually makes me wonder what in the world goes on in that head of yours, what sites are searching that you come up with weird, funny, random, surprising stuff to post about, it's like ur starting a book of your own "a million random things to know" and the best part is that they are all so bloody informative! But whatever it is, it seems that it has me hooked. So here's too great blogging from ur end! Cheers!

Ok enough gushing over your blog, I've exhausted my supply completely, here's a request - more personal posts please!!!!!!! It's literally been a while.....

For everyone who hasn't yet hovered on to Nabeel's Cosmos, well what the hell are u waiting for!!!!

Still Grinding

I'm sorry for being such a ditz! talk about telling you that you HAVE to go check out a post and then not giving u the link, ok how dumb am i??!! anyway read on below, i inserted the link (this time did not gett carried away with excitement :P )

Caught your attention didn't it! But sorry to dissapoint you (silly ol pervert! tsk tsk) but you have to go check out this post. It talks about a pencil sharpener the way it hasn't ever been talked about before! LOVE IT! like the way the guy writes....

It's been a while......

since I last posted anything on both of my blogs and trust me i miss it!!!! sniff sniff and to top it all I have SO much to talk about! See the thing is that my university just reopened ( hardly got 10 days off and those which were jam packed with weddings) so yeah, university back in full swing so im out at 7:30 in the morn and comin back at 9 in the night, so please blog don't be angry with me, I'm not ignoring you, I'm just really tired when i come back and frankly its not u, it's my computer i don't want to see (psst please don't tell him that coz he has a habit of making a mountain out of a molehill, seriously what's with all my important files "suddenly" disappearing and having to go inviting viruses and various worms!) so maybe tomorrow....i'll have the energy to actually do something worthwhile n tell you about stuff happening, put up a pic or two, tell you about a site or two, who knows, that is if i don't laze off and decide to sleep instead! ahhh now i just have to tell you about this deal i make with myself everyday...see i wake up at 6:30 in the morn and I know i have to go take a bath before i rush to catch my uni bus, now its winter here and even though it doesn't snow in karachi IT'S STILL BLOODY COLD! esp at freakin 6:30 in the morn when the water is freezing! So here i am under my warm quilt,nice comforting bed when my alarm rings and i answer it with the ritual eyelids flying open with surprise. Then i lie in bed talkin to myself, negotiating that if i wake up now and take a bath, i save myself the trouble of taking a bath when i come home and can just fall into bed, the logic is that in any case if i dont take a bath i'll have to get up at 6:45 in any case, if i push my luck too far max 7, and by the time i finish debating with myself it's already 6:37 so i might as well get up, drag myself into my cold washroom and take a quick bath (which i end up prolonging coz the hot water feels just so good that now i dont want to get out of the shower!) then its sooooo cold that i have to go over myself with a HAIR DRYER just so i can stop shivering ( i even literally warmed up my jeans one morning with my hair dryer just so my legs get some blood back!) then guess what I'm fine, not feeling too cold anymore just wrap myself with a shawl and I'm good to go and off I am. Ok now i m exhausted, i wanna go to sleep, i promise u i'll be back, till then my dear blog be good and miss me......

Grinding in a completely different way!

Caught your attention didn't it! But sorry to dissapoint you (silly ol pervert! tsk tsk) but you have to go check out this post. It talks about a pencil sharpener the way it hasn't ever been talked about before! LOVE IT! like the way the guy writes....

Holy Shit!!!

I just caught the ending of this on tv courtesy ARY, anyone with the complete story and details do let me know...
Ok so this guy who seemed to be in his mid thirties apparantly got really angry with his daughter over some trivial matter, he couldn't contain his anger and what he did was he stripped his daughter and literally BUTCHERED HER! he separated the head, torso, arms, and legs, put each of them in separate plastic bags, wrapped them with clothes and stuffed them in his cupboard. After having done so he obviously realized what he had done and just didnt know how to deal with it, he went out of the house for 2 hours trying to think of what to do, in the end he goes to the police and tells them (in detail) of his crime. Currently he's in jail under clause 302 or something like thatwith his case pending in the court.

HOLY SHIT!

How do we ever explain this?

to ourselves even?

Can we ever put ourselves in that man's shoes? What do we say, does losing one's mind seem a reason worthy enough? Are we also capable of doing this? I think we are....but then what would have pushed him to that limit? coz we do know it was over a trivial matter right? so why does the daughter suffer? but then a man who has temporarily lost his rationality wouldn't think that way right?

Can we trust ourselves?

I know to some this may seem like just another story out of a hundred that we read or talk about with friends..but each time i hear something, even though sadly it has repititive element, each time it doesn't cease to amaze....each time i feel more fortunate....each time i feel more helpless...

each time....

I judge myself.